Can Our Romance Get Better? Yes, Every Day!

Chapter 2 - First Date Continues

by Carl Wilson

Copyright © 2008 Carl Wilson

All Rights Reserved

As we sat, talked, and danced at Armands, we could see that we enjoyed each other's company. I was asked to sing, and the entertainer persuaded Marge to sing.

Let's put it like this - despite a lifetime of singing in a pretend voice, and having my kids beg me not to sing, I actually found out that I sing pretty good. Especially when I sing songs from the fifties and sixties, and slow songs since - particularly country and western. But while I'm good, Marge is great! Had her life been a little different, I could easily picture her having a singing career.

Marge (and her good friend, Connie) was impressed that instead of meeting Marge at a generic place, I had chosen a favorite stomping ground where I was known. And it was a pretty classy place.

For my part, she definitely did not detract from my image. On the contrary, she won the hearts of everyone there. And you could tell that people were glad that I had found someone special. People could tell that I was lonely for a special relationship. I wanted, not just a "romance," but a lifetime of romance.

As the evening at the piano bar wound down, Marge and I realized neither of us were ready for the evening to end. I came to realize that Marge's night shifts as a labor and delivery nurse made her more of a night person.

We decided to go to a nearby restaurant for an early breakfast. Years later, I can't recall exactly all that we talked about. It's impossible to really learn all a person's history, even in years and years, let alone a few hours. Yet, somehow we seemed to "know" each other. By the time our breakfast and several cups of coffee had been consumed, we saw it was about 4 in the morning. Not really a problem for either of us - I think this was a Saturday night, and I worked weekdays only, and Marge could sleep the day before her shift Sunday night.

Marge had mentioned, while we were still at the piano bar, that singing karaoke was much cheaper, and you got to sing more songs (if the rotation was reasonably small). She mentioned that she went to a place called Big Al's in Temple Terrace (a suburb of Tampa) on Monday nights for karaoke, and we made plans for me to meet her there on Monday week.

As we walked to our cars in the parking lot, I did not intend to try to kiss her, although the idea was certainly on my mind. Nonetheless, I didn't resist when she kissed me!

More later.

Can Our Romance Get Better? Yes, Every Day!

Chapter 3 - A Rose and a Song

by Carl Wilson

Copyright © 2008 Carl Wilson

All rights reserved

After our date, the next night I was again in Armands. During the course of the night, vendors came in with rose buds to sell. I bought one, deciding to drop over to the hospital where I knew Marge was working. I had no idea about if I would be allowed in the labor and delivery unit where Marge was an RN.

As I parked my car in the parking lot, and started walking toward the hospital, Marge called out, "Carl, is that you?" She had come outside for an infrequent smoke break. We had just a few moments, since she needed to get back to her unit. But it felt like fate was on our side.

The idea of karaoke - something I had never done before - was a little intimidating, so I decided to go get the lay of the land, you might say. Monday night, about an hour before karaoke would begin, I went into Big Al's and sat at the bar. As conversation began, I shared that my date had invited me to join her the following week, and I wanted to get kind of a head start.

"That must be Marge!" a woman exclaimed. Turns out she was the KJ (karaoke jockey) and a friend of Marge's.

Soon, I was at a table with other friends of Marge's, including her best friend, Connie. And Connie is a bit of a psychic. She wanted to read my palm. Connie wasn't specific in her comments, but led me to believe she was pulling for me! I think I recall her saying something about me being the one.

So, as I was looking through the books of the songs available, Marge showed up! We were both surprised.

I had a bit of a headache, so I had my doubts that I was really "wowing" anyone. But I picked a very old country song - from the late 40's, I think. Well, I found out really fast that some of those old songs had a faster tempo than you'd expect. The KJ had to help me. She picked up her microphone and sang with me until I settled down. And I did better on the next one.

Although it didn't seem like I was winning any prizes for romantic behavior, apparently I did well enough. Marge told me she was having some friends over on Friday night for Trivial Pursuit and chili, and invited me.

More later.

Can Our Romance Get Better? Yes, Every Day!

Chapter 4 - Winning the Fair Lady

By Carl Wilson

Copyright © 2008 Carl Wilson

All rights reserved

The night of the Trivial Pursuit went well. Several of the guests were KJs, and Marge's friend, Connie, was there with her husband. Marge's chili was great (still is), and she makes a lot of mashed potatoes for a base (if wanted). And Marge is good at Trivial Pursuit. I'm not that good, but I was relaxed with the companionship, and felt I was one of the group.

And I had decided "faint heart" did not win the fair lady! As people left at the close of the party, I stood with Marge at the door saying farewell.

As we sat on the couch, Marge gave me the "let's go slow" speech. I remembered my Mother telling me about a guy who had heard about a competitor for her affections. She said that rather than getting upset or talking trash about the other guy, he just agreed that the other guy was nice.

In that spirit, I told Marge I understood what she was saying, but that I had a right to my feelings. And I felt I was falling in love with her.

In effect, we were never apart after that! Of course, Marge had to make the obligatory visit to my apartment to see how I kept house - and to see if there were signs of female residence. And she shook her head at my lack of Christmas decorations. But whether at her place or mine, we were together.

And soon, we moved my things in with hers. Over time, they have all become ours.

My first marriage lasted 21 years, and the split-up was quite painful for me. My second one lasted only about a year. We were better friends than mates. Been years since I've seen her, but I still feel we are friends.

Neither of Marge's first two marriages were very supportive of her as an individual and a woman. She pulled herself out of some unpleasant circumstances, worked, went to school, and got her RN license. And you could not find a more independent woman than Marge. As I've already said, she karaoked, and she would occasionally date what she called "boy toys."

So, even though Marge had posted the personals ad, she wasn't all that eager for any lifestyle change. She, like me, sensed a desire for a deeper relationship, but marriage was not in her future, she decided.

Nonetheless, I'm kind of a traditional guy in some ways. So during the year, I would keep asking her to make "an honest man" of me. And we had our first arguments. I learned that we could do so without it meaning that all was over. And we could still laugh and still love each other.
I can be a persistent guy! So, eventually Marge agreed to our getting married. As a matter of fact, after several proposals, I had warned her that she would have to ask me the next time. And she did.

Next time, I'll pick up with our wedding preparations.

Can Our Romance Get Better? Yes, Every Day!

Chapter 5 - From Making House to Getting Married

By Carl Wilson

Copyright © 2008 Carl Wilson

All Rights Reserved

Sometime soon after New Year's of 1995, we moved my things into Marge's home. Marge was quite impressed with my thoroughness as we cleaned my apartment for termination of my rental. After dealing with which of our things we would use, which we would pass on or discard, and where to store things, we began to think of getting another place - closer to our work, larger, and perhaps more modern.

But as we viewed homes and the attendant prices, we began to see that it might be better to remodel her home. It was a concrete block home, just about a square, with a "Florida" room at the front of the house and louvered windows and screens. A perpendicular set of cabinets (to the usual ones above the stove and on either side of the sink) separated the kitchen from the dining room. The living room and master bedroom and master bathroom had been enlarged by an add-on to the house, with a sloped roof joined to the peaked one for the main part of the house.

I loved the paneling in the living room - real wood, not just laminate. To the rear of the living room a set of French doors opened to a screened in concrete deck that ran the length of the house and overlooked a back patio, a pool deck, and an above-ground oval pool.

We refinanced the house for remodeling money, and engaged a contractor to upgrade the kitchen, and extend the living room into the back "porch" area (reducing the porch area, but increasing the living room). I worked for a maintenance supply house which provided next day delivery to apartment complexes, so I could get at-cost appliances and many supplies for the remodel - new stove, refrigerator, a dish washer, and the like.

To this day we cannot understand those who leave a remodel in the hands of the contractor and go away on vacation. We saw that we needed to have interaction at all stages, and even then we had to adapt and solve problems.

I insisted on saving as much of the paneling from the living room as we could, and on the addition, it was re-used about half way up the wall.

Not to dwell on the remodel, but I decided to do the kitchen floor tiling myself, as I'd done it once before. It might have been okay, but I decided to remove all the old flooring, and had a tremendous amount of trouble in doing so. Then, I found problems with the flooring that the tile had simply covered!

Since this was the third marriage for each of us, we had little desire for a large, elaborate wedding, with so many wanting us to do this or that. We decided to have an extremely small, secret wedding, and then the next night have a karaoke party at a club we went to often. There, we'd announce our wedding.

Marge's sister, Rosanne, an artist and experienced in florist arrangements, did the flowers and Marge's boquet and my boutonniere. And she also did the pictures. A KJ friend of ours, Ray, was like me - a former minister. I liked his view of spirituality and we understood one another. I asked him to perform the cermemony (that I would write), and I asked my boss at work to use his Notary Public license to officiate and make the wedding legal.

One of the karaoke friends that we had played guitar and sang in a "oldies but goodies" band. Jimmy had a golden voice, and melted many women's hearts when he sang, among other things, "Just A Gigolo." Unlike many professional musicians, he sincerely liked karaoke. And he had accepted my relationship with Marge from the beginning. I asked him to be my best man (since Ray would be the "minister"). And he brought another friend as his date.

Ray's date, Wendy, was also a KJ, and she was there also. And Marge asked Connie to be her Matron of Honor. She brought her husband, Rush. Rush was not into karaoke, but he and Connie were quite comfortable together.

So plans were made and invitations sent. We suggested in the invitation to the karaoke party that all our family and friends were strongly urged to attend, as we would make an important announcement.

The afternoon of the wedding, Marge and I were still in our grubbies - laying tile! To this day, we laugh about that, and we point to that as my lesson learned about not planning more than I can do. So we finished up, and hurriedly cleaned up and changed.

The ceremony was beautiful, we thought. We videotaped the ceremony, and everytime I have viewed the video, Marge’s pledge to me still brings tears to my eyes. I’ll speak more of that later. Here is the outline of what I had written:

I. OPENING {No procession; background music}

A. Minister's remarks:

"My friends, we are gathered here today as the special friends of Marge and Carl - to witness and share in their bonding in marriage. As they have already bonded their lives together, they believe this is the natural progression for them. Like me, Carl is a former minister. He believes God ahs brought Marge into his life to love and cherish. While this is not the first marriage for either Marge nor Carl, both realize the importance of this event and affirm that they are making a commitment that will affect the rest of their lives." {personal remarks - maybe your perceptions of us and our relationship and of our friendship} {Your informal charge to us}

II. VOWS:

{Music selected by Marge} {Informal pledges, from the heart, from each to the other}
III. EXCHANGE OF RINGS

IV. COMMITMENT VALIDATION:

A. "Do you, Carl, take Marge to be your wedded wife, to love and respect her as an integral part of your life?" {answer} "Will you love her, support her, talk to her, remember the romance and trust and teamwork that you both know to be essential to a contented marriage? Will you, through all circumstances, remain faithful to her, your marriage, and your love?" {answer}

B. "Do you, Marge, take Carl to be your wedded husband, to love and respect him as an integral part of your life?" {answer} "Will you love him, support him, remember that he is just a man who will need your help? Will you, through all circumstances, remain faithful to him, your love, and your marriage?" {answer}

V. MINISTER'S REMARKS & PRAYER

VI. OFFICIATING PERSON’S FORMAL PROTOCOL

A. "Since I have heard you pledge your love and loyalty one to the other, have seen you exchange rings as a symbol of your marriage, and observed as you acknowledged that you indeed take each other as wedded mates, by the authority given to me by the state of Florida as a NOTARY PUBLIC, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. May your marriage be long and happy!"

B. "Carl, you may now kiss your bride." {background music}

VII. CHAMPAGNE TOAST

Previously I had arranged for a special dinner for the wedding party at Steak and Ale, including wine. After dinner, we went to a lounge where Pat Cole Henry, the entertainer who had the piano bar duties the night of our first date, had a gig. Naturally, he called on each of us to sing. I sang, "Since I Met You Baby."

I had sent Malcolm Glazer, the new owner of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, an invitation to our announcement karaoke party (and explained what the announcement would be). Not surprisingly, sent regrets, but he did send us two fifty-yard-line front-row tickets to the next home game.

Some of our children in the area did not attend the karaoke party. And they were quite upset with us. They all thought we would merely announce our engagement. But they forgave us. And they missed a great party!